


What else would possibly happen?

by theblack0ut



Category: Actor RPF, British Actor RPF, X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: Blow Jobs, Coming out kind of, M/M, Oral Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-19
Updated: 2015-03-01
Packaged: 2018-03-02 03:36:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 5,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2798078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theblack0ut/pseuds/theblack0ut
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>James asks Michael a question that may or may not change things between them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> so yeah, pretty straightforward. hopefully nobody wrote this one before and that it's believable. I just had the idea and went with it. James and Michael are single, of course.

James paced back and forth in his hotel room. His mind wouldn't let the idea go. He knew he'd be very uncomfortable. He knew he shouldn't. He fucking knew it would just make it weird for the both of them. But he couldn't not ask. He'd forever wonder what would have happen had he asked. That somehow was worse. And it didn't help he had a pretty mild crush on him. But, what other guy was there to ask about blow jobs? So he picked up his phone and texted Michael before he could think about what he was doing, "Hey, you alone?"

"No, I've got six hookers in here. What do you want?"

"Oh. Uh. I had something to ask you?"

"It can't wait until tomorrow? It's quite late, y'know."

"No. It can't. Can you just come to my room?"

"Gimme 5 minutes, ok?"

James didn't reply, but he was sweating now. He really couldn't figure out why he was so hellbent on asking about such a... taboo topic? It seemed taboo at least. He was sure average men didn't ask their buddies about sucking cock. But James wasn't gay. Not really. Sort of. Somewhat. Kinda? Ever since he'd come across gay porn while searching for the stuff most men would be looking for, he couldn't stop thinking about it. It haunted him. And he had heard of rumors, scarce as they were, that Michael had been into men. James didn't care, either way, but it made him the perfect person to ask. It would be bad though if the rumors had been false and James was basically making an idiot of himself. But, he could play it off as a joke. Hopefully. 

There was a knock on the door, James tensed. He suddenly was rethinking this and he wanted Michael to go away. He had very few good friends in this industry and to risk it on something like this seemed incredibly silly. At the same time though, James wasn't one to back down from a challenge. He opened the door and was greeted by Michael... in his boxers and a dark blue t-shirt. James would be lying if he said his breath didn't catch in his throat at the sight.

"Well, I'm here. What did you want, James?" Michael said as he walked into the hotel room. James closed the door and tried to pick his jaw up off the floor. He was an idiot.

"Um, yeah. I wanted to talk about something," James hands were shaking. He fucking knew he was blushing as red as a tomato.

"And... what would that be?" Michael spoke casually as he pulled a bottle of wine from the fridge. How had James not noticed how incredible he looked all the time? 

"It's silly... I shouldn't ask..." James mumbled. As Michael tried to make eye contact, James stared down at the floor, trying to pretend there was a reason for him doing so.

"I doubt it's silly. Now just ask, James. I'm here and if you didn't want to ask, you shouldn't have opened the door." 

"Hmm, I know. I'm sorry," James blushed as he made eye contact with Michael for a second. He just noticed how Michael looked like he'd just gotten out of the shower. Michael, naked in the shower. Damn it. 

Michael poured them each a glass and smiled, "Get your butt over here."

James went over and grabbed onto his glass. Michael put his hand over James'. He rubbed at James' fingers, caressing them almost.

"Now what was it that was so important you had to ask me so late?" 

"Have you ever been with a man?" James spoke so quickly it took Michael a moment to catch up. 

"As in, sex? Why do you ask?" Michael asked calmly. He didn't seem to be mad, which surprised James. He felt himself somehow blush even more.

"B-because, I'm... I don't know. I always wondered about... y'know... oral s-sex between two guys, It's just..." James trailed off and looked down at his glass of wine. He cautiously took a sip, trying to recover after sounding like such a idiot. 

Michael tapped his fingers on the countertop, "Are you gay, James?"

James face felt like a volcano. He had to be dead. There was no way one could survive this. 

He met Michael's eyes and sighed, "I'm not... sure."

Michael nodded, "That's fine. It took a long time to recognize it myself, let alone accept it."

The confession took James by surprise, "You're gay? How? I thought you had a girlfriend?"

"I prefer female company, sure. But I don't sleep with them. I have and it's just not for me, I suppose."

James could feel the ease of the conversation and it calmed him down tremendously. He smiled at Michael who smiled back. He definitely wasn't regretting asking now.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James can shut his eyes all he wants but will he sleep? Probably not.

After a nice friendly hug, James had let Michael go back to his room. As it was, he knew they both had been up early the day before. Michael agreed to discuss this further another day, which was good enough for James. He needed to recover after blushing so much. 

James was currently watching television, feeling a headache come on. He swore at it's existence and turned off the television set. His mind had been through quite a bit, and he still couldn't believe what Michael had confessed. Sure, Michael loved to joke and mess with him constantly but that time, it was for real. They were both too tired to joke around. He really liked that side of Michael. Sleepy, sexy Michael. It was a bad idea to start thinking of him that way. More than a mild crush. For awhile, he'd been convinced it was just a best friend thing. Not... a gay thing. 

He shook his head, getting up off the couch to go to the bedroom. He chuckled at himself, he was not very bright when it came to relationships. It would make sense, he hadn't been in one in two years. It'd been so long he'd long gotten over the loneliness. Maybe it was because of Michael. Maybe Michael did a lot for him he never realized. His smile, his eyes. It made him want to blush like crazy and please him like crazy. It was nice to think about him. And to be around him. 

As he pulled the covers over his body, he shivered. He imagined Michael doing the same thing. Laying in bed, thinking about the other man. It could never be though. They could never be. It was a nice fantasy, he supposed, but not something that could ever translate well into reality. If it could translate at all. He knew he shouldn't continue this line of thinking so he shut his eyes in an attempt to sleep but his mind grew hungrier for Michael. It was so typical of James. The more he fought against it, the more it happened. The more he squeezed his eyes shut, the more all he could see behind his eyelids was Michael. It was so fucking cheesy to him as well. He couldn't begin to explain how much he hated the typical love story, emphasis on typical. He had suspected it was because he simply couldn't find love therefore why not hate it, but he wasn't sure. It didn't matter anyways. 

He tossed and turned, trying to sleep but nothing. It wasn't purely sexual. It was just suddenly so lonely to know he was truly alone. He had loved solitude, fucking enjoyed it more than anybody else he'd ever known. A lot of the time he wanted to brag about it, because he didn't need another person unlike everybody else. He was himself and that was fine. But now? Now it's three in the morning and he's imagining Michael curled up next to him. He has to get up in five hours. He doesn't need to focus on Michael all night only to get up early and see him in person. He was an idiot. He wanted to smack this desire out of him. 

"Fucking, god damn idiot," he mumbled under his breath as he shut his eyes for the thousandth time, hoping he could sleep if only for a few minutes. He was beginning to wish he had drank more wine. He was considering getting up to drink more wine. He ran his hands through his hair, sitting up in bed. He had the worst idea and it wasn't shutting up. It wanted James to do this and it's not like James was going to fight it anymore. 

Soon he found himself knocking on Michael's door. It was fucking five in the morning. Michael would probably punch him. He really was an idiot after all.

"Coming, coming, hold on," Michael grunted as he made his way to the door. It had sounded like he tripped but James was too tired to make fun of him.

"James, hello, what are you doing here?" Michael was beautiful. Beautiful and shirtless. If James wasn't half dead, he would be running back to his room. 

"I couldn't sleep, been tossing and turning all fucking night," James replied, rubbing at his eyes. Michael's room was quite bright, compared to his dark pathetic room.

Michael nodded, "You want to sleep with me then, huh?" James needed to remember how caring (and hot) he sounded when he said that.

"Yes, please," James smiled. He looked childish to Michael, who blushed a little at his words. James sure was a sight to behold.

"Come in, James."

James wasn't sure he'd make it out of this room alive. But he didn't care. At all. What he did care about though, was sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again, please let me know what you think! I'm trying my best and I have no idea if I'm any good at this anymore.


	3. Chapter 3

"Thanks, Michael," James said as he slid into the bed. 

Michael shook his head, "Don't worry about it. I know how hotels weird you out sometimes."

James smiled at him and nodded. He wasn't about to make it uncomfortable by admitting it had nothing to with the hotel. 

Michael turned off the light and though it was dark, James could make out that he was taking off something? Putting on something?

"Shit, sorry," Michael mumbled as he turned the light back on. 

"What is it?" James questioned innocently. He didn't look in Michael's direction but he could poorly make out that Michael wasn't doing anything... too weird. He wanted to kick himself for being so paranoid. Wishful thinking, more so. He'd love to be the apple of Michael's eye. Fuck, no. That wasn't true. But it was. 

"It's stupid but my underwear is riding up and yeah, I'll probably just sleep without anything on. Is that okay with you?"

"Well, it is your room." 

"Yes but you are my guest." 

James felt his breath quicken and he wanted to leave. He felt uncomfortable, like Michael had been planning this almost. There was no possible way that Michael would've known though..

"It's fine. Do whatever you want," James said quickly before turning over and facing the opposite way. No way he could be looking at the other man, his mind was already coming up with plenty of mental images.

"What's wrong?" James could feel Michael's hand on his arm. He pulled his arm away and tried to sleep. He didn't want it to be like this.

"Nothing, I'm very tired." 

Michael turned off the light and James wasn't bothered again.

\----

"Michael, what is this supposed to be?" 

"It's a fucking pancake in the shape of a heart, James."

"It looks like a whale though." 

"You're such an asshole."

"You love me.. this pancake is supposed to prove that, I guess."

"Damn right, I love you." 

James smirked and attempted to eat the pancake in one bite. He almost choked. Luckily Michael was able to jump across the table in time to save him.

"Oh my goodness!" 

"You sound like a fucking girl, James." 

"Nothin' wrong with being a girl. Except that you aren't interested in them." 

Michael laughed, "Is that why you're here? To seduce me?" 

James looked over at Michael and grinned. 

Neither had any idea how this happened exactly. They both slept very well and woke up and it was so easy going between them. James had been nervous and uncomfortable the night before but now it was like any other day. Which was both great and depressing at the same time. 

"I am here because you are supposedly fantastic in bed."

Michael gasped, "Who exposed my techniques?!"

"Nothing was exposed. It was more general, or should I say genital?" James winked as he drank his orange juice. 

Michael chuckled, "If I didn't know you, I'd think you were flirting with me, Mr. James."

"What if I was?" 

"What if you weren't?"

"No, seriously. What if I was, Michael?" That was it. No going back.

"Then... I'd have to wonder what drugs you've been on."

James frowned, "Dammit, Michael."

Michael's eyebrows shot up, "What'd I do?" 

"Nothing.. nothing.. I just... nevermind." James broke the eye contact between them and went to clean his plate in the sink.


	4. Chapter 4

"What the hell was that, James?" Michael questioned as they both slid into the back of a taxi. 

James shook his head, "Nothing. It was nothing. I'm just tired." 

"Bullshit. What's going on with you?"

"What do you mean? Nothing's going on with me." 

"I find that hard to believe. You were just asking me about oral sex between two guys, y'know." 

"So what? I'm a curious person, that's all it was." 

Michael smirked, "Now I find that impossible to believe." 

James blushed and looked away, "Can we just leave this alone? We can talk about it later if you must."

Michael nodded and didn't say anything for the rest of the ride. 

\--------------------------

"James, no! I'm too tired for this!" Michael screamed as James came at him with a can of whipped topping. 

James smiled sweetly, "Oh Michael, I would never... I was simply offering you a taste."

Michael blushed for a moment, "A taste of what?"

"A taste of whipped topping, y'know." 

Michael shook his head, "No thank you."

"Now, to be quite honest, I wasn't asking what you wanted." 

Michael laughed, "Oh shut up, James. The forcefulness doesn't suit you."

James perked up and joined in with the laughter, "I suppose you're right." 

He set down the can and joined Michael on the couch. "I'm bored now." 

"The can of whipped topping was entertaining you that much?" 

James picked up the remote and turned on the television, "Of course not. I've just had too much to drink." 

"Never understood how you could drink so much... I can drink my own, sure, but you are about a thousand steps ahead of me and you're not even passed out." 

James shrugged, "I suppose I've had my practice." 

Michael chuckled, "I suppose if I'd been drinking since I popped out of the womb, I'd be really fucking good at it by now as well." 

James frowned then laughed, hitting Michael with a pillow. 

Michael smacked him back, "I'd like to watch television now, if you don't mind?" 

James gave him a bad look and tossed the remote to him. 

They flipped through channel after channel, not really finding anything interesting. James yawned after about ten minutes and Michael wasn't about to give up so he was thrilled when he found the movie channels. The dirty movie channels. 

"Fucking hell, Michael!" James exclaimed as his eyes shot open and he saw two people making out on the screen. Of course they were naked too. James blushed and tried to pretend it wasn't bothering him but he was failing and Michael knew exactly what James was feeling. 

"You don't like this?" Michael said softly before motioning to the two men making out on a ratty old couch. Almost the same color as the one they were on. James needed more to drink. A lot more. 

"I...I'm not watching this with you," He stuttered before standing up. 

"Why not? I know you want to fuck me. Or suck me off. I don't care, James."

"For christ's sake, shut up already." 

"What? It is true, isn't it?" 

"Is not, I'm just too drunk and horny for this right now."

"Horny because you wish that was us, hmm?"

James shook his head and met Michael's eyes, "I would never want to be with you, Michael. I don't like you like that." 

Michael could feel himself dying inside but he shrugged, "Your call, James. I'm here for whatever." 

James sighed and left the room. He was an idiot. He was the biggest idiot of all time. He wanted to kill himself. The one person who mattered was now under the impression he was nothing to him. Sexual or not, that was far from true.

\------------------------

"Hey James," Michael muttered as he entered the bedroom, about two hours later. James couldn't sleep so he'd been reading, trying desperately to distract himself.

"Hi," James said very quietly, feeling dumb for still assuming he could sleep in his bed. He should leave. He was an asshole. And an idiot.

"Don't go," Michael whispered as James was about to get up and leave. 

"But, I... I'm an asshole." 

"What? No, you're not. I should be apologizing. I should be leaving." 

"What are you talking about?" James questioned as he put his book down the bedside table. 

"I made you uncomfortable. I shouldn't have said that. I'm a fucking idiot, James." 

James shook his head, "You're not an idiot. I'm the idiot." His hands went to his mouth the moment he said it because he knew Michael wasn't going to let it go.

"Hmm? How could you possibly be at fault?"

"It's hard to explain." 

"Explain then."

"I want you, Michael. I really want you. I couldn't sleep last night because I wanted to be in your bed. With you. I know it's weird and I'm so sorry but it's how I feel." 

Michael sighed, "You should have said that, James. I felt like an idiot because of what I said." 

James nodded, "I'm sorry but I hope it didn't fuck anything up between us."

"Of course it didn't. I love you, James. You know that."

James smiled wide, "Good. I won't be keeping secrets from you again, Michael." He was hoping there was truth behind his words.

"Fantastic, now what was all that talk of oral sex the other day?"

James gulped and looked away. He'd forgotten all about that.


	5. Chapter 5

James woke with a startle and looked around the dark room, he couldn't see anything. He wasn't sure where he was. 

"James, James, are you okay?" 

He blinked and looked at the man next to him, "Michael?" 

"You were having a nightmare, I'd assume?"

"No, I wasn't dreaming. I don't... remember. Maybe I was," He whispered as he tried to calm down his breathing.

Michael sat up in bed and turned on a light. 

"Did we... did we do anything?" James stared at Michael, who rubbed at his eyes and yawned.

Michael gave him a look, "James, what are you talking about?" 

"Did we have sex?"

Michael's eyebrow went straight up, "Um, I'd think I'd remember if we did." 

James nodded and looked down at his hands, "Oh fuck." He felt his face turned tomato red. He had semen all over his fingers. 

"Jesus, James. You just had a wet dream, relax." 

"In my defense, Fassbender, this doesn't happen to me. It's never happened to me, actually."

Michael shrugged, "It's nothing to worry about. Go back to bed."

"I was dreaming about you, Michael."

"Dreaming about me how?"

"What you do fucking think?" 

Michael's mind went blank. They were good friends, it shouldn't be weird to James that he'd dream about a friend. Michael was confused. 

"Forget it, just forget it. I'll tell you when we wake up."

Michael nodded and turned off the light. He had a hard time getting back to sleep as his mind went through all possible reasons James was weirded out. He came across the last thing that could have gone on between them and his mouth went dry. Holy shit. 

\------------------

James stretched and smiled as he gently woke up. It was a beautiful morning and his mind was clear. Considering the memories of drinking the night before, this was a miracle. He'd never woken up so pleasantly before. 

"Morning, James," Michael said as he greeted the other man. It looked like Michael had been awake for quite awhile. 

"Morning," James mumbled as he scrambled out of bed. He could smell food. 

"I made food, darling." Michael winked at him before leaving to tend to the food he was making. 

James' face wrinkled up and despite his usual understanding of his surroundings, he had no idea what was going on.

He pulled on Michael's (dirty) sleep pants and went to find Michael.

"What happened last night?" He wondered aloud. 

Michael looked at him, "Nothing, we had a lot to drink though."

"I don't feel like I drank at all."

"Hmm? Me neither. Strange."

James let it be for the moment and sat down at the small table on the furthest side of the kitchen. James' mind caught up a minute later and his confusion began to resurface.

"Do you remember last night? Or this morning, rather. When I woke up in the middle of the night?" 

Michael shook his head, "Nope. Can't say I do." He handed James a cup of fresh coffee and James began to sip it. The caffeine was immediately effecting him and he realized how good Michael was looking. He was just in his underwear and an apron after all. He has nice arms, James thought and almost wanted to giggle at himself. He was being dumb. Wanting a friend like that was not James' thing. 

"Yes?" Michael questioned as he spun around, holding two plates full of food. James felt himself blush as he noticed he probably really did just giggle. 

"Nothing, thanks for the food," He mumbled as he took a plate. He smiled at Michael and began to eat. Michael sat down next to him and rubbed his thigh for a second then pulled back, clearly rethinking his actions.

"Sorry, I just, sorry," Michael said quickly before he started to eat.

"No, It's fine," James said, his voice sounding a lot huskier than it had a moment ago. Damn it, he really didn't want to go there with Michael so soon. He didn't want to make it weird.

Michael made a noise, James just barely heard it, then kept eating. Obviously he didn't want to make it weird either.

For the first time, James could feel the sexual tension in the air.


	6. Chapter 6

"That was fucking incredible, Christ Michael!" James exclaimed as they both made it back to Michael's hotel room. They only had a few days left before they were onto a new city. 

Michael smiled wide and laughed as James jumped onto the couch and spun around, singing a song he'd just made up. Michael went to get a drink and when he looked over at James, he was still twirling around and singing. Michael chuckled and poured them each a drink.

"James, come get a drink," He chuckled as he held it out for the other man.

James smiled and clutched his glass, "Thanks, darling." 

"My pleasure." 

James drank it in one go, whereas Michael was taking his time. By the time James was done, he was already back on the couch. But this time, he was shedding his clothes and sprawling himself out on the couch. 

"Feels good," He smiled up at Michael, who was walking towards him.

"Looks good," Michael replied, flashing him a knowing smile.

"It's a shame you didn't want to sing with me."

"I don't sing. In public, at least."

"How bout now? Sing for me, darling."

Michael blushed, "No thanks, James. Maybe another time, yeah?"

James nodded but he knew. He knew his presence, his almost nude state, was bothering Michael. He was enjoying it too.

"So how gay are we, Fassbender?"

"What do you mean?" Michael said casually as he sipped at his drink. He had almost finished it by now.

"Like, are we, meaning you, the whole package? Completely gay? Not one ounce of heterosexual to you?"

Michael chuckled, "What the hell, James. Are we talking stereotypical? Because I have no idea and I don't care anyways."

James took in the information and came up with another question, "Would you fuck me?"

Michael downed the rest of his drink and looked over at James, who was sitting a little too proper now to be asking such questions.

"Honestly? Yeah, I would."

"Good. I'd fuck you too," James said as innocently as possible. Very far from innocent though, Michael thought to himself.

"I don't know what to do with this new information," Michael said awkwardly as he set his glass on the counter. He thrust his hands into his pockets and looked around the room, trying to steer the conversation in another direction.

"If we both want to fuck one another, why don't we?" James questioned. He sounded genuinely curious. 

"Because... that's a bit... it would make things weird between us, don't you think?"

"I disagree." 

"Well I disagree with your disagree." 

James laughed, "What does that even mean?"

"That I disagree with you."

James smiled and motioned for Michael to come over to him, "Get over here, Michael."

Michael tensed but he went over anyways. "What do you want, James?"

"I want to see you... naked. I hope that's alright."

Michael gulped, "Y-yeah."

James pulled off his jacket slowly, caressing his arms as if he were examining them for impurities. Michael was tingling all over and starting to feel dizzy. His head was spinning in the best possible way. He took his seat next to the other man, and looked over at James who clearly had one thing in his mind. It was so cheesy, how it felt so unreal, nearly unnatural when they finally kissed. It was a gentle, barely there kiss. It felt sincere enough though and Michael could feel the heat running through his veins. As he kneaded James' thigh, he could feel the same heat in him as well. It felt like a dream. James was proud of himself for not fucking it up so far.


	7. Chapter 7

Michael angled his head, lightly running his tongue over James' throat. James gasped and sighed, his eyes fluttering shut. 

"That feel good, yeah?" Michael laughed as he pulled away. He needed no answer, James' body language gave it all away but he needed to hear James to confirm it. He needed to be sure. 

James nodded, eyes opening and enjoying the blush that was creeping all over Michael. 

"You look hot like that," he remarked before he could stop himself.

"Hot like what?"

"Just hot. Very hot, Michael," he smirked at Michael before he shut his eyes once more. 

"You're not making much sense.. and we haven't gotten anywhere yet. God knows how you'll be a little later," He whispered against James' ear. 

"Show me, Michael."

Michael smiled and cupped James' erection through his jeans. James let out a barely there groan and he reached out for Michael's arm, stopping him in his tracks.

"I don't want this," he started, desperately trying to regain his composure, "I want more. I want everything. I want you."

Michael's mouth went dry and he slowly nodded, "I want.. I want that as well."

James chuckled, "Why are you so uncomfortable then?" 

Michael blushed and looked away, "Nothing. I'm just. It's been awhile."

James rubbed his shoulder, immediately regretting his words, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't laugh." 

Michael stayed quiet, feeling too emotional for a moment like this. He had intense fears of being shunned by James and joke or no joke, he was feeling like he didn't belong here right now with James. He wasn't good enough for him. For this. 

"Michael?" 

"What?" he whispered as he turned to James.

"I love you." 

"So what? I love you, James."

"No, I love you, like a man loves a woman."

"Don't fuck with me, James."

"I wouldn't. Not a time like this. Not with a person who is so important to me."

Michael smiled but he frowned a moment later, "I'm not good enough for you."

James frowned and his eyes were watering now, "Where did you get that idea?"

"I'm... it's my mind. It's always like this. It's not that you did anything. I just. I'm so fucked up, James."

James scooted closer to the other man and rested his head against his shoulder, breathing steadily. He didn't need to say anything else.


	8. chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mental illness mentions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> honestly. I'm mad I took it in this direction because I'm so bad @ writing about mental health issues. But, whatever. I hope I did it justice regardless.

"I'm sorry I fucked it up last night," Michael spoke softly as he stared down at the breakfast he was eating. It was true, no matter how terrible it made him feel. He had finally been in the position he'd been desiring for so long and he ruined it because he over thought it. James deserved better.

"You didn't fuck anything up but, it's alright."

"I can't stop thinking about it though. I've been so good at pretending to be alright. Why am I so stupid?" 

James dropped the muffin he was eating onto his plate and looked at the other man, "Wait, what do you mean?"

Michael shook his head and continued staring down at his food. He couldn't risk being caught by James' caring look. He was helpless the second he saw that look.

"Whatever," James muttered after a moment and as he realized he was not getting an answer. 

Michael looked at James and frowned then looked away. He had ruined it. 

=============

"James, James!" Michael cried out. It was late in the day and the clouds rolling in signaled rain. Michael didn't want to go home alone. He could see James, though he wasn't positive it was him, but the man wouldn't respond. There was a decent amount of people around and Michael was sure he would have a panic attack any moment. 

He found a bench and sat down, closing his eyes immediately as to relieve some of the stress. He regulated his breathing and ignored the others around him talking particularly loudly. 

"Michael, what are you doing?" 

Michael opened his eyes and saw James looking down at him. And he was smiling. 

"I, I was freaking out.. I had to sit." 

James frowned, "Is this a common thing for you?"

"I get claustrophobic easily. Anxiety rises. Panic attacks. The whole bit."

James sighed, "I'm sorry. I was a bit rude to you at breakfast." 

"Well, honestly. You were." 

James shrugged, "I just.. I was frustrated..."

"Me too," Michael said before James could say anything else.

"Let's go back to the hotel," James whispered in the other man's ear before grabbing his hand and leading him elsewhere.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sexual assault mentions. nothing graphic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this is alright! I'm trying to post new chapters as much as possible as it's been well over a month since I've updated regularly. Tell me if the story seems off because I always worry that my writing doesn't make any sense in certain places.

"I didn't think you really wanted to go back to the hotel," Michael said quietly as they reached the place they'd been living in for quite a bit now. 

"We need to talk, don't you agree?"

Michael shrugged, "I guess. I don't really.. I don't know."

James didn't say anything, just smiled as they stepped into an elevator. 

==========

"So you were assaulted?"

Michael nodded.

"By whom?"

Michael shook his head, "Not entirely sure on that."

"Well, I mean. I understand now."

"I'm sorry. It's why I haven't been intimate in so long. I love sex but, the moment it takes that turn and when I'm about to actually do it, I freak out and all I can see is what happened to me. Doing it to you. Or some other person I tried fucking a long time ago."

"I feel like a jackass, honestly."

"How come?" Michael wondered. 

"I was an asshole to you. And you couldn't help it. Not that it would matter what the reason was. Regardless, I should have respected that you'd tell me when you were ready." 

"You had no idea, James."

James shrugged, "I suppose. Now, have you been to a doctor?"

"I go when I can. Which isn't very often."

"I think you should try to go as much as you can."

Michael nodded, "Yes, well. My schedule is rough, as you know."

"I could maybe go with you? If you wanted, of course. And you could talk to somebody high up and ask for an extra day off or a few hours off." 

"I don't know about that. Not that I wouldn't appreciate the support. It's just.. I don't want you to be exposed to hearing all that."

James nodded, "It's your choice. I won't be mad either way."

Michael smiled, "Thank you, James."

**Author's Note:**

> this was my first fiction on this website and for this pairing. I'd be glad to know what I could improve on and/or what you think! thanks.


End file.
